I should be...

Doing homework.
Cleaning.
Doing Laundry.
And a million other things.

But it's cold outside,the sky is crying ice, and I have been in sweat pants since I heard the news our very last dress rehearsal was cancelled. I think a nice evening inside baking cupcakes and reading the Bible curled up on the couch sounds better than any of those "should be"s. Maybe that makes me slightly irresponsible. Or maybe it makes me wise. I pick wise...it makes me feel better about myself. Either way. I needed this little vacation. It might be sad that a vacation for me is to not worry about homework, actually have time to clean the bathroom, eat pizza, and bake cupcakes. Yep. Splendid splendid mini vacation. Although after I finish this post and my Bible reading, I will probably end my vacation with reading in my literature bok or cleaning my room.

I have decided my word for the year is "enjoy". I need to enjoy things more. So far so good.

10 Things I Enjoyed this week
1) Crisp winter air
2) Suspender dances in the dressing room with Maddy
3) Sweat pants
4) Miss Prism clothes
5) Backstage couch whisper chats
6) Choir
7) No Motlow
8) Snow (no matter how little)
9) Friend hugs
10) Those few quiet moments

Now I'm off to continue my luxury vacation with putting clothes away and icing cupcakes. Good Thursday Evening all! Come see The Importance of Being Earnest at the MAC!

Reflections

I have to say. I like writing these little "reflections". It brings back so many memories and wonderful gushy feelings as well as helps me take note of current.

School started again on Wednesday and it did not hold back. I find I've been going nonstop...until I fall asleep in an inconvenient place/time and/or position. I'm not kidding, sadly. Thursday, I came home all set to do some homework, sat on the couch and promptly fell asleep, work in lap. Yeah. I got a whole lot done. But I have to say, today's accidental nap takes the cake. I was at rehearsal in the back row of the theater. I was supposed to be observing Act I and yelling at people if they weren't loud enough... I watched the first few minutes only to wake up right before it ended slumped over the red fuzzy theater seat next to me. I was just draped over the seat, drooling away... I realized then I need to take a moment to slow down so maybe I'll stop falling asleep without realizing. Or...maybe I'm slightly narcoleptic? Who knows. But this has to stop.

I kind of understand the spontaneous napping. I guess my body is just...done after a day of:
6:00 a.m. Wake up, eat breakfast, watch news.
6:30 a.m. Get ready for school
7:20 a.m. Leave for school, Tina in tow. (or..Tina and leaves and I'm in tow depending on the week)
7:40ish a.m. enter school. Chat until class
7:45-2:00 School.
2:00-4:30 homework & cook
4:30-4:45 eat.
4:45-4:50 get ready
5:00-7 or 8:00 rehearse
8:00-10:00 wind down, do some chores, more homework, and daily Bible reading.
10:00 bed. (although yesterday I went to bed at 8:30 and was easily asleep by 8:33)

Repeat.
Or today.
Get up.
Work out.
Grocery shop.
Rehearse.
Eat.
Bathe.
Sleep.

So, yeah. Things are kind of nonstop. But, really, I don't mind. I will mind by next week, I promise. Right now, though, I can tolerate it, and almost even ENJOY it. I am making myself enjoy it, because this routine and way of life will be gone come the end of May. It'll become a summer routine which will then morph into a whole new, foreign routine. I might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

As I have gotten older, I have slowly learned to live in the moment. To stop thinking so much about tomorrow and suck the wonder out of today, because...I can't get it back. Plus, if I keep thinking about tomorrow, when it is tomorrow, I'll be thinking about the day after tomorrow and never even enjoy tomorrow to begin with! Vicious cycle, eh? When I got out of the tub, the Christmas tree was gone. I think this is the earliest we've ever taken it down... I always hated to see it go, and with it the feeling of Christmas. But it has gotten to the point to where, yes. I like Christmas. No, love Christmas. But I love the other 364 days, too. So I'm ready for the cycle to start again and don't mind to wait another year. Growing up is funny.

I leave you with the message of my favorite mug (which I painted with my favorite Kristina!):
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

And because I didn't really reflect on anything, I leave you with these visual reflections.











There. Enjoy my cuteness.

"For endings, as it is known, are where we begin."

(the quote in the title is taken from the last episode of Pushing Daisies)

It is 2012. A new beginning, in a sense. A new beginning I have discovered I need...It seems like the past few years have come to a welcome end rather than a nostalgic closing. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to wish my life away. It has just been nice to get a way from the tough times and think there is another chance ahead. Because, in reality, it is a new chance. 2011 didn't end...2012 just began. And I am so excited. And scared. But that's ok. I think this will a good year. I mean...when you ring it in with these people, how can it not be?











Happy New Year, everyone. Here's to happiness and excitment in 2012!

The Unavoidable Christmas Post

This has been the best Christmas since I stopped believing in Santa Claus (as in, believing he's a man who actually comes into my house and leaves me things... I still believe in him, but differently. I'll get to that later). Last year, of course, was horrid seeing as my father almost died and most days were spent in a hospital waiting room. But THIS year? This year was pure MAGIC. New traditions were created, friends celebrated, and families gathered. We kicked the season off by decorating on the day after Thanksgiving, but things got really jolly at Thanksmas (see...2 posts below). Annual shopping trip with Tina and Nick was a blast, as was the day with Tina and Alicia. Garrett, Nick, Tina, and I drove to...out in the middle of nowhere to stumble upon a merry Christmas village on Simmons Rd (seriously...so cool.) as well as two houses with a music/lights show. The night was accompanied by hot cocoa.

Chances are, I will still be living at home come this time next year. But...it'll be different somehow. I'm still a kid this year, really. Next year...I'm a grown up. I don't think I'm going to lose all of the Christmas magic just because I will a college student, but it'll be different. This year, I definitely felt like a little kid again. I even got excited when I tracked Santa and SWORE there were reindeer prancing on my roof at 11:30 last night. (ok...so it was the bass of the obnoxious neighbor's car stereo mixed with the normal creaking and settling of the house...and my obnoxious dog howling back at the obnoxious neighbor)No. It was totally reindeer. Pinky promise.

I spent Christmas Eve with my dad's family, which is always fun. Always. We're such a strange group of people... Don't believe me? I think these will prove my point...









I came home, watched a little TV, stuffed my parents' stockings, and went to bed early. I laid in bed thinking about how I could never sleep when I was little. How I would turn my TV on and watch the news as it reported and Santa's whereabouts then change it to watch the Powerpuff Girls: 'Twas the Fight Before Christmas or A Johnny Bravo Christmas. How, the next morning I would run into my parents' room and shake them awake at 4 or 5 in the morning to just be sent back to bed until 7. I watched the clock and as soon as it struck 7, I was waking them again. Then...Dad would take as long as possible to drink coffee, brush his teeth, wash his face, and even brush his nonexistant hair. It drove me batty. But finally I would behold the wonders Santa left me and spend the rest of the morning in a flurry of holiday wrapping paper. Of course, when it was over, I spent the rest of the day crying because it was over. This year would be a bit different. It was Sunday, so I had church. Instead of waking up at the brake of dawn to open gifts, we would do it after church. I thought "No problem. I'm almost an adult...I can wait." Well... I did wait...but I was bursting at the seams! I was so excited! My parents went above and beyond...seriously. I feel so bad about everything they got me. I didn't need anything! They got me a mass amount of knitting needles and accessories such as wrist supporters, needle organizers, and more. They also got me a bunch of movies (The Help, Peanuts holiday collection, The Lion King, The Sound of Music, first 2 seasons of How I Met Your Mother),a Sailor Moon T-shirt (Yeah! I know! ha!), and...the special gift from my Daddy...a jewlry set of pearls. A necklace, ear rings, and a ring. Sterling silver and pearls. Something I have wanted for so long and could never find. He found it. Oh I love it. We got into our jammies and watched movies all eveing until church. Wonderful.



Best. Christmas. Ever. I feel so incredibly blessed (and spoiled, honestly).

I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas

Monday Reflections: Jordyn's Song.

When you do theater, you are opening yourself up for everyone to see. Acting makes you vulnerable. Vulnerable to the audience, but most of all, vulnerable to your cast mates. A cast is a family. It may not start out that way...but as you continue to rehearse and delve into your characters, bonds are made. I've met a lot of new people through theater, and gotten to know those I knew a little better. Jordyn Cahill became part of my family last year when the MAC put on a witty little stage play called Play On! . I didn't know her at first. I'd seen her at school, but I didn't have the slightest idea about this girl. I soon found out what a beautiful girl she was. She always had a mischievous smile on her face that could easily brighten a room.And I know she wasn't always happy...I could see it in her eyes. Yet, she smiled. I remember how funny it was to watch this sweet soul try to bring out her inner Angry Butch as the manly set constructor, Louise.

"Jordyn, you have to be angrier. You're throwing a fit, here. Stomp off stage like you mean it!" our director would command. She would fashion her face into a frown, begin her line, and dissolve into fits of giggles. Then extend her arms behind her and stomp away like a toddler. We all lost it. Every. Single. Time. She was way too nice to yell at us and stomp away. But she got it...because she was talented.

I spent a lot of my time back stage. My character made late entrances, and Jordyn's character had a lot of off-stage lines, so we hung out together in the wings. Tina would often join us. at LEAST once a rehearsal, she would sneak behind us and groan "Get. In. My. Bell-lay." Oh goodness...that was hilarious. Play On! was a difficult show. It was a play within a play and we got confused easily. We had issues with people not knowing their lines. It didn't get much better come opening night...The whole show was pretty much improvised every single night. Six shows worth of crazy improv. But it worked. Families can read each other's minds, you know. That turned out to be one of my favorite shows thus far. No...it was my favorite.

Jordyn never got to come to the cast party, or the cast girls' sleepover. She was usually babysitting... I hate that she was never able to join us. Something was always missing... A sister in our family.

Jordyn, you meant a lot to me. I don't know if you knew it...but you did. You always made me laugh and I loved watching you on stage. You got really good at being "angry". I hate that I didn't see you very often after the show ended. The other day, Tina and I were talking about you and your goofy antics and how we missed you. Then, this morning, I heard the news of your death... It felt like someone punched me in the gut. That realization still hadn't hit me. And it didn't until the car ride home. I started crying and made a pit stop to see my dad at his office in the school. It still seems hard to believe that someone so wonderful...so young...is gone. Jordyn, I loved you. I loved your smile and your humor. I won't forget you. And I never answered then, so I will now.. Yes, Jordyn. I will get in your belly. ;) Sleep well, sweetie. I'll talk to you later.



I have learned through the many local losses recently that one should never take anything for granted. Tell people you love them. Hug them frequently. Stop complaining about the small things and go ENJOY life. It doesn't last forever...don't waste it.
Please keep the Cahill family and the friends of Jordyn in your thoughts and prayers.

The End is Nigh...

And no. I'm not talking about the coming of Jesus. I mean the end of high school. In 5 months 13 days, I will graduate from high school. This realization hits me pretty often. Usually when the thought of "I love my friends...I'm so lucky to be here with these people." pops into my mind, it is quickly followed by "Will I see them again?".
I'm not good with change. Everyone who knows me knows that. This is a HUGE change. I don't even know where I'm going to school. I have been praying for the Lord to give me guidance because I have given up. I don't know where I'm supposed to go. Tina is going to Florida, and although I want to follow so badly, chances are slim. But I don't want to stay here...but yes, I do. I'm afraid to go anywhere else. This is all I know. *sigh* I'm gonna stop talking about this now, because it makes me antsy.

Last night, I spent the evening at Tina's with a few other fellow castmates. We watched a movie, old choir shows, and looked at old pictures. Really, we didn't do anything. We talked about...everything. I ate a tangerine (er...my bad, bushmeat.) and got it all over my poor Lorax shirt. It was one of the best nights in a long long while. On the ride home, I was singing along to Christmas music when I started crying. Not hard core crying...just the "I'm blessed. Oh. I am blessed." kind of crying. Because it's true... I love it.

Like Thanksmas. Had it not been super late when the last people left, I would've had the same reaction. Oh Thanksmas was wonderful... They say a picture is worth a thousand words. I think I'll let the pictures speak for how amazing it was...












ANd that's just a snippet of the awesome.

A Week to be Thankful

Thanksgiving is this coming and I am beyond excited. Not only does that mean I get to spend a day with my family, but Friday marks the official beginning of the Christmas season. And I do love me some Christmas. But before I can get to Thursday, I have to get through Monday-Wednesday. This usually wouldn't be such a hard task, but I'm a busy little bee this week. I have to go by a strict schedule starting at 7 in the morning and I won't quit until 10 at night. I have to clean, craft, shop, and write a book report. Oh, and rehearsal. So I basically have no time to relax. I'm going, doing, seeing nonstop until Thursday, which is still scheduled to a tee. Luckily Friday is a bit more carefree. We're putting the tree up and watching Christmas movies. I also have some shopping to do for Thanksmas (which is one big reason I am so blasted busy). It's an exciting time. Especially since this Christmas will not be spent in a hospital like last year (we hope...).

The holidays may be stressful, but they are oh so worth the crazy amount of planning that goes into all of it. I have been planning my butt off for Thanksmas. I love being the queen of it, though. I am in total charge of the memories for myself and my friends on that day. Plus, this is my very last chance to celebrate the holidays with them. I'm soaking up the awesome.

I was thinking, and I honestly do not remember last Thanksgiving. I know it happened...but I can't seem to remember any of the details. Which is strange, because I always remember the holidays. I began to think... I need to document these things... I want to be able to tell my children stories from my youth. Especially holiday memories. The fact I have forgotten an entire Thanksgiving breaks my heart. I remember practically every Thanksgiving and Christmas right down to what I wore (and sometimes, what everyone else wore). So, I've decided to actually attempt to blog. Even though I used to sort of make fun of the act. But to be clear, I'm doing it for myself. So I can come back and look at events of my life. Not get Internet famous (not that I would object).