Balance

I've noticed more and more how this life is a balancing act. It's like standing on a tight rope, one-legged, and juggling a bunch of hats- while wearing a sparkly two-two of course, because you might as well do it in style.

What we strive for is balance. No wobbling and gasping and flailing hands, but lasting stability.
Sometimes we sacrifice for balance...we drop a hat or instead of the two-two we go for yoga pants because let's face it, they're practical for tight rope walking and what not.
We may never find perfect balance, but that is what keeps things interesting. There's give and take.

There's so much to experience in this world, and for me, this is such a short and valuable time in my life that I can't afford to waste it. So I try to flow with the give and flow with the take.

Sometimes you call it an early night and sacrifice time with others.
Sometimes you stay up until 3 laughing until everything hurts and tears roll down your cheeks.
Sometimes you get up and go- try new things, wear new clothes, adventure.
Sometimes you stay in your pajamas all day and watch movies.

Sometimes you stay by yourself.
Sometimes you stay with everyone.

Sometimes you are responsible and go to class, do your work, go to work..
And sometimes you skip class to go to Disney World.

And in their own ways, all of life's options are beautiful and worthy of appreciation.

From this:

 

To this:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Magical, I tell you. Magical. It may have been "irresponsible"...but for the sake of balance, we have to be irresponsible every now and then, right?

Living Out Loud, Fueling the Fire

WARNING: This post is very rambly.
Each day we are presented with hundreds of choices. From whether or not we hit the snooze button to if we go out of our way for someone else.
I am discovering that my anxiety seems to come from the unknown... or from knowing I cannot control everything and I am totally powerless at times. I have a bad habit of setting expectations for things and being really hurt when life doesn't produce what I expect. I cannot control this world. Last night I was feeling really anxious, so I sent Abby a text saying I wasn't feeling well and to just keep me in her prayers. Not 2 minutes later, sometime after 1:00 in the morning, Abby is in my bed. "Don't you ever text me saying that and expect me to just sit in my room and pray for you when I am only floors away!"
She reminded me that while there is a lot I have no control over, there are things that I am master of. I can make my own decisions... I can control myself even if my anxiety makes me feel like I can't.
I know that God is in control. I do. But when suddenly nothing meets your expectations, it seems like everything is in a spiral.
It is no doubt that the passing of Adam triggered this recent anxiety. Something such as this serves as an ultimate reminder of God being in control in all ways. Losing Adam was obviously not at all part of my expectations for life right now. I knew him very little, but hurt so deeply for those who knew him well. Before I get to my overall point, I want to share my few interactions with this incredible man.
I first met him in 2010. In fact, he was my very first experience with this whole Christian community I have come to hold so dearly and the openness of hospitality that comes with it (other than those in my local church). I had never been to a gospel meeting, but had recently started attending my congregation at home. Adam's dad was preaching the meeting and they were both staying at the Buntings'. I was sitting on the couch upstairs waiting on Kristina when a very tall man walked up the stairs balancing a laptop on his head with mild support from his hands. He proceeded to walk around in circles in front of me. After a good two minutes I finally asked what he was doing. "Looking for a signal." he replied and continued pacing. Then, he stopped and introduced himself...and continued his search for Internet. The next day he declared he would be adding me on Facebook, and lo and behold, I had a request from Batman Rodriguez. "Tina, who the heck is Batman Rodriguez and why does he want to be my friend?" Kristina cracked up and informed me Batman was just Adam.
In the time in between then and last fall (or maybe it was this past spring..), I barely communicated with him. Mainly, it was just a "Party Arthur!" from him on my birthday. But, when he was visiting FC recently we both ended up at Pie Night. From across the Village Inn he began flailing his arms "Erin Wells! That's Erin Wells! We haven't talked in so long!". Honestly, I didn't expect him to remember me. Why would he? We met once, 2-3 years ago and hadn't really talked since. But he did...and he made it a point to come talk to me. How many people do that?
I am grieved for this world's loss of such a special soul...but so happy for Adam. He no longer has to live in this world of sin. How wonderful is it that we have that opportunity?

The whole ordeal has certainly spiked my anxiety...but it has also made me hungry. Hungry, that is, for life. I have let my anxiety control me for too long. I need to let go. I cannot control it all...what I can control is how I live. I can be quiet and live in the background, or I can be like Adam and live out loud, trusting God in every step. I can take every moment and make it worth something and that is my choice. There will be days that are hard and that don't go as planned, but it shouldn't keep me from really truly living out loud.  Every day is a day to glorify God and live for Him.

I want to live out loud. I want to see the joy in every breathe I breath, every step I take, every tear that graces my face. I know it is unreasonable to do that 100% of the time, but I can aim for 98% of the time, right?

I have this fire inside me to do so much. I want to experience it, I want to taste it. I want to CHANGE it. I feel an urgency within me to help this world spin a little smoother. That's why I have chosen to go into elementary education. Not because I love children (although I do love children), but because I want to give them a chance they may not get...a view they might not have seen without me. I want to show them how wonderful learning is, but more importantly, how wonderful this world can be if we make it. If we show love and kindness...if we give opportunities. If we show others how it's done. I have a fire that begs for change by my hand. Each day I am learning to fuel that fire with hard work and lots of prayer. I know this world is not my home and that I am working towards a higher place, but while I am here, I charge forward to improve lives of others. We are given such a great opportunity of just being that it is a shame not to strive to make a difference. I am building myself up for the job, one brick at a time. Until I am ready, I will suck every moment out of the experiences I am given to get me to my ultimate destination.

Daily Scavenge:

A full house at a devotion in memory of Adam.

(I believe Brian Harbor took this picture..I stole it from Facebook)

 

The rest of these are from Fall Banquet (11/23/13)

Ugly Sweater day (for some reason, we look like weird shrunken people...)

 

 

 

 

The Daily Scavenge

Every day in the cafeteria, I become discouraged. I pay $2,000 a year for my meal plan so I don't starve... And yet, I, along with the other 500&something students, participate in what I like to call "The Daily Scavenge". Which is what it sounds like, really. The main dish looks ok...I'll try it. Sit down, discover meat is half cooked and they somehow screwed up green beans (HOW?). Push the plate aside... Do they have good pizza today? Eh...not so much.. Cereal? I've had it 6 times this week already. I'm tired of Cheerios. Ok. Good ol' standby... my 12th PB&J this week.

And that with the help of canned foods in my room is how I do not starve as a college student.

But, I've been participating in a different kind of daily scavenge. I had a picture and story published in THIS  book last year. The project was originally created by a woman who had failed to see the good in things, enjoy the little bits of life and dug herself into a dark place.
As I have isolated myself a bit more this semester and been struggling with stress and emotions within myself, I want to prevent myself from going into that same dark place. Because where there are dark places...there are usually spiders, and I'm just not ok with spiders. So my new Daily Scavenge is to find something in EVERY day that I am thankful for... take a picture of it, and record it here with the tag daily scavenge. That way I can come back to them and remember how beautiful that flower was or how good that cup of tea was. Even the worst of days are not all bad. I realize how hard it is to remember that when things get overwhelming. Maybe one day, I'll print out all of my pictures and hang them in a room. How wonderful would it be to be surrounded by all of the little things that make you happy? How could one be sad then?

Also, as a disclaimer, don't expect these all to be good pictures. I'm sure many will be taken with my cell phone...which is far from "smart". They'll probably be pretty grainy. But it's whatever... It's the point.

And I want to challenge you to see the point...to partake in the daily scavenge.

James 1:17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.

A Little Perspective.

Sometimes, it is a lot easier to focus on the struggles in life or what we don't have rather than the blessings. Thinking in such a negative way can definitely bring a person down, and let's face it, no one wants to be sad... So I have decided to start a project. I don't know if you have heard of 365 Grateful or not, but it's pretty awesome. (I won my Fujifilm camera from the blog that goes with the site). I don't think I'd have the time to do a picture a day, so I'm going to start out small.

Thankful 10's.

10 things I am thankful for in my past.
10 things I am thankful for in my present.
10 things I hope to achieve in the future.

30 items total. Not too bad, right? And it isn't that I have a bad outlook on life...I'm actually a pretty optimistic person. It's just nice to have the reminder. To have it there when I need to be reminded that life isn't all about what I don't have and that rough times come to an end...and even happier things lie ahead. So, before I get to my beach post, I will start with this.

Past
*I am thankful for my imagination...Some of it still exists, but sadly, a lot of my creativity was lost when maturity was earned.

 

 

 

 

Now, onward to the current happenings. : ) On Saturday, Beta got together to pull weeds. Which wasn't particularly fun...but it was satisfying.Our territory looks much better. The real fun began when we went to the beach together as a society.

 

 

 

 

It was a great day indeed. Even though I got sun burned...after applying SPF 70. But oh well.