Monday, August 4, 2014

Growing Up and Moving On

I have been on this earth for 20 years, 2 months, and 11 days. When compared to the number of years other people have lived, that is nothing. 
In my life I have forged incredible relationships, learned invaluable lessons, climbed [metaphorical] mountains, and I am no where near done.

In just a few days I will be packing up my belongings and trekking down to Florida for my third year. It's crazy that just three years I ago, I was a shaking tear-filled bundle of nerves. A baby bird stretching her wings for the first time and tiptoeing to the edge of the nest. The ground was a long way down and I didn't hold much confidence in my abilities. But I had faith that God would help me through and that I would be led to chances for growth, and I jumped. I spread my wings and flapped, teetering and jeering from side to side. Little gusts of wind would come along and help draft me upward until finally, I held my own. I flapped and I flapped...and I flew. Not for very long... I got winded and had to rest. But I did it.

I am no where near an expert. I still fall. A lot. Storms such as anxiety and depression blew me down. I am still growing and learning, and let me tell you, I am still terrified.
I was hit with the realization that I will be graduating from college in about a year and a half. Then I will be a real adult. Right now I am still in training. Now, next to my usual anxieties of germs and the possibility of illness, money in the here an now, I have things like "Will I be able to get a job?" "Will I be able to pay off my debts?" "Am I going to have to live with my parents?"
I have literally woken up in fits of panic and sweat over these thoughts.

I have a lot I want to do in my coming years. I have a lot to look forward to. Right now, I am having to remind myself of those and push away the fears that go with the future.

Right now, I am ready to take junior year by the horns and taking another step forward, because no matter how badly I might want to, there's no going back. Childhood is over. I'm in my 20's and I am going to enjoy it.

Bring it, world. I am stronger and I am even more stubborn than before. I am going to enjoy this life and these lessons.

Here we go.

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